Woman: "Do you love me?"
Man: "I like you very much."
Woman: "Then do you love me or not?"
Man: "Didn't I say I like you very much?"
Intuitively, of course, liking is different from loving. We can like many people, but only love some specific people. It’s hard to define love and liking, and even love itself is a complex, multidimensional experience: it can be like Romeo and Juliet, it can be like our grandparents, it can even use the word love to describe itself and the closest Relationships between friends or pets.
Psychologist Rubin believes that love and liking belong to two directions, that is, they are different in nature. "I" may like him (her) very much, but it is not love. Rubin constructed a "love scale" and a "like scale". He also found some interesting evidence, such as couples who scored higher on the "Love Scale", the more eye contact they made, the more likely they were to be ready to marry the couple, and the more likely they were to stay together later.
Rubin's research tells us that loving someone is indeed a different experience than liking someone. We like someone based on our mutual likeness, admiration, and respect, but love is a more intense and unique emotion that encompasses more attachment, selflessness, altruism, possessiveness and exclusivity, and physical intimacy. According to psychologist Robert Sternberg's love triangle theory, love consists of three components: sexual passion, psychological intimacy, and mutual commitment. Love can come from one of these three elements, or it can be any combination of the three elements. But without these three elements, it cannot be called love.
The girl you like likes you, maybe because of the similarities between you, because you help her, because she appreciates you or the security you bring her, or even just because you like her. But she may not be able to get a strong sense of intimacy and attachment from you, and she will not be able to generate erotic attraction and passion, so for her, this kind of feeling is just like, not a true sense of whole-hearted integration. Love.